Hillarisms The Unmaking of the First Female President

Having narrowly avoided the Hillary apocalypse, we can now reflect on what almost was. This Clinton comedy retrospective is a punch-line-accentuataed book of quotes and excerpts by and about the Clintons.

Armed with the public's blessing for their previous shenanigans, the Clintons have been going full-speed ahead ever since, resulting in a year of 'Clinton sport' that required more stamina than anyone could have predicted. Hillary may have lost the election, but the Clintathlon promises to continue clinfinitely.

Really, who but a Clinton could face a tossup between prison and presidency? Who else can claim a get-out-of-jail card that's the White House? "What a country!" as comedian Yakov Smirnoff used to say.

Excerpts:

LIKE ON A PLATTER TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER
"So I walked into our local [Marine] recruiting office.... This young man...finally said to me, 'You're too old. You can't see. And you're a woman.' ... I decided maybe I'll look for another way to serve my country."
-Hillary Clinton at a Capitol Hill lunch honoring military women, about her stated 1975 attempt to join the military, AP, June 15, 1994

SHE DOES SEEM UNSINKABLE
"There's nothing wrong with a witch hunt if you catch a real witch."
-Former Senate GOP foreign policy adviser Jim Jatras, TheJIM!gram(c), Oct 23, 2015

ANOTHER CLINTON WHO THINKS IT'S ALL ABOUT THE HARDWARE
"Well, the system we used was set up for President Clinton's office...It was on property guarded by the Secret Service."
-Hillary Clinton to reporters at the UN, March 9, 2015, vouching for the physical safety of her computer

BILL LIKES THAT ONE TOO
"By the way, you may have seen that I have recently launched a Snapchat account. I love it - those messages disappear all by themselves."
-Hillary Clinton, at the annual Iowa Democratic Wing Ding, Aug. 12, 2015

SAID THE SHEIK
"I'm with Her"
-2016 campaign slogan